Demystifying the science behind love
Total Catastrophe of the Brain
When thinking about love, we automatically assume it stems from the heart. But did you know that love is all about the brain?
As stated by Seshadri (2016), love rises in humans when someone sees another person as unique and exceptional, and this often leads to dismissing their faults. While human love is a universal and cross-cultural complex phenomenon, it is linked with discrete physiological, psychological, and behavioral characteristics such as obsessive thinking, and risk-taking behaviour [4].
There are three categories of romantic love: lust, attraction, and attachment [4].
Lust is when a person pursues a sexual relationship with another person. According to researchers, attraction can be defined as choosing partners and directing attention on genetically suitable individuals in order to conserve mating time and energy. The third form, attachment, can be explained as maintaining lasting relations to fulfill parental responsibilities [4].
Even so, there are many misconceptions about love. This article will tackle three.
Myth #1 Women are more romantic than men
A widely known stereotype among society is that women are inclined to be more expressive in relationships and this is also anticipated of them. Research shows that women appreciate the way the brain responds to emotional experiences more than men, which makes it easier for women to show affection than men.
Despite how men are found to be less expressive, they usually say “I love you” first in the relationship because they are socialized to take the first step [3]. Evolutionarily, this verbal declaration serves as a pathway to sexual and/or emotional access which makes women get into the relationship without giving much thought. This is because women listed expressing “I love you” as a very romantic act and men use this as an advantage to progress the relationship [3]. Men place higher value on sex and any method such as saying “I love you” serves as a means to a sexual end [3].
Also, women ought to be biased in choosing their partners due to having fewer reproductive cells unlike men who have an unlimited supply of sperm. Researchers say this means that women must be more cautious than men before committing to a relationship. Taking this together, it prompts one to ponder that women may be perceived as less romantic simply because men are allegedly more sexual [3].
So, is it really true that women are more romantic than men? A 2011 study by Harrison and Shortall explores the similarities and differences between men and women attitudes, expectations, and experiences with love and relationships using a 28-item questionnaire on a college sample [3]. Most college students said women are more likely to fall in love first in a relationship. Yet data showed that men fell in love sooner and said it first which supports studies carried out previously. This may be explained with the notion of men equating love to sexual desire, resulting in them feeling the emotion sooner [3].
The findings from the study also showed that when asked to reflect, women estimated knowing that they were in love in a few months as well as identifying the feeling is reciprocated within a few months; whereas men reported foreseeing that they were in love and knowing their partner was in love too, within a few weeks. These discoveries indicate that women are not as impulsive and hopeless romantics any more or less than men [3].
Taking everything into account, when participants were asked about their general standpoints of whether they agree to statements such as “love at first sight exists” and negative beliefs, for example, “love is a waste of time,” there was no significant difference between men and women’s opinions about dating, romance, and love. Again, this debunks the statement of women being more romantic and idealistic than men [3].
Myth #2 Intense love deteriorates quickly and barely lasts for a year or two
For decades, society suspected that intense love only lasted for a while when partners met and unavoidably declined after marriage or after having a child. Usually, this intense love would turn into companionate love.
Companionate love is different from sexual desire or attraction. It is about having strong feelings towards one another beyond desire. However, research has indicated otherwise.
A 2011 study by Acevedo and his team found that the neural correlates of intense love with the use of functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) [1]. According to the scans, the participants reported intense, romantic love corresponding to newly-in-love couples, with activity in dopamine rich areas critical for reward processing and motivation. Participants included ten women and seven men, who were in long-term, sexually exclusive relationships, their average age being 21.4 years[1].
Unlike new-formed couples, the long-term partners did not show activity in brain regions linked with obsession and anxiety that is experienced in the initial stages of a relationship. Thus, a major difference lies with greater calm associated in the later stages of a relationship [1].
The results obtained show that continuous development of innovative, rewarding events may lead to increase in romantic love and the activation of dopamine rich areas of the brain [1]. The data is also consistent with the idea that romantic love is a motivation or drive involving various hormones and differs from basic emotions. It is all about the brain [1].
Myth #3 Opposites attract
A phrase that has been heard a gazillion times is that opposites attract. In fact, growing up watching Disney movies that portray this such as Belle and the Beast and Anna and Kristoff, it can be really hard to not get swayed with this view.
In reality, opposites very rarely attract. Unpacking this phrase literally means that you have nothing in common with your partner and that is not the case. Research states that people gravitate towards those who are similar to them i.e., those who have shared interests and a similar background.
A study by Youyou et al. 2017, examined the digital tracks people left behind on Facebook including what kind of posts people like and share, and status updates [5]. It was found that most people network with others who are relatively similar to them. Romantic partners and friends were characterized by their similar personalities [5].
Another study collected information about people’s values, attitudes, and personality traits from 1523 couples, friends, and acquaintances [2]. Remarkably, the results indicated an 86% similarity in all the elements [2].
Therefore, similarities outweigh the differences, but this does not mean that individuals should seek out clones of themselves. Rather, common perspectives and interests should align in order to prevent conflict and have a mutually satisfying relationship.
While research proves that these myths are not factually grounded, their persistence has lasting social implications for people. It is important to not fall into the trap of myths but rather really think about its consequences before jumping to conclusions.
References
- Acevedo, B. P., Aron, A., Fisher, H. E., Brown, L. L. (2012). Neural correlates of long-term intense romantic love, Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 7(2), 145–159, https://doi.org/10.1093/scan/nsq092
- Bahns, A. J., Crandall, C. S., Gillath, O., & Preacher, K. J. (2017). Similarity in relationships as niche construction: Choice, stability, and influence within dyads in a free choice environment. Journal of personality and social psychology, 112(2), 329–355. https://doi.org/10.1037/pspp0000088
- Harrison M. A. & Shortall J. C. (2011). Women and men in love: Who really feels it and says it first?, The Journal of Social Psychology, 151(6), 727-736, https://doi.org/10.1080/00224545.2010.522626
- Seshadri K. G. (2016). The neuroendocrinology of love. Indian journal of endocrinology and metabolism, 20(4), 558–563. https://doi.org/10.4103/2230-8210.183479
- Youyou, W., Stillwell, D., Schwartz, H. A., & Kosinski, M. (2017). Birds of a feather do flock together: Behavior-based personality-assessment method reveals personality similarity among couples and friends. Psychological Science, 28(3), 276–284. https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797616678187
Inara is a fourth-year student studying Psychology at the University of Calgary. At present, she is undertaking an independent thesis in forensic psychology with a distinguished faculty member in the Department of Psychology. In her free time, she likes to read fiction novels, volunteer, and swim. She hopes that Science, Translated will help simplify the lives of people who struggle to dismantle scientific literature.
